Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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