I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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