Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
