$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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