I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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