im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
