...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
