covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
