i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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