I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
