I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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