How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
