yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
