hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
