we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
