I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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