just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
