Got a toothbrush?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
