I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
