Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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