I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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