Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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