you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
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White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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