Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
