shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
