Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
