As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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