i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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