Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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