U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
