Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
