these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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