She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
