we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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