I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
