We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
