Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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