Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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