i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
