If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
