Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
