Can i not drive my cunt home
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
