Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
