Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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