My Higher Power is John Stamos
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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