Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
