I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
