all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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