when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
