3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i don't like sucking hair
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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