he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
