I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
