My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
