i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
