help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
