You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
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