My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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