he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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