I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
