I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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