Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
