Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
