I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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