Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
