i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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