i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
