I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
