Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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