I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
