im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
