I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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