Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
