I wish you could order shots online.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
