wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
