I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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