you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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