Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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