I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
