I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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