Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
