Ambien. No doubt about it.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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