he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
