I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
