she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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