Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
