the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
