I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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