and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
